"We are healed from suffering only by experiencing it to the full." - Marcel Proust
Anxiety has been my conjoined twin ever since I was a child. It was something I always thought was a part of me to the point where I’ve let it define me. It’s been that way for so long that I still refuse to believe I’m someone outside of the confined corner it chained me in. As I grew my anxiety got worse and worse; it entangled depression within it. It was too much for me to handle. I always found myself in the brink just waiting for gravity to pull me down. It wasn’t until age and awareness and my own struggles made me look past the blinds. I’m not the kind to open my mind and my heart so easily. Neither am I the trusting kind. It took a very long time before I bucked up the courage to tell my parents about my past and present traumas. It wasn’t soon after that I had referral’s from counselors to go to a mental health association.
I’ve been four months in and five months out of psychotherapy. In those four months, I don’t deny how it helped lighten my burdens and helped me understand myself and others. When I went into therapy, I realized I wasn’t “crazy”. I wasn’t judged. I didn’t feel like I was the weed in the garden. For a time it eased my worries. But some other factors dived in and it made me stop seeing my psych. Those five months out of therapy made me come back to being a complete mess. It’s been a long, hard battle. My anxiety wasn’t something I was ever comfortable with declaring because even up until now I’m still suffering I still fear it.
A picture of my face with a piece of paper - This isn’t something anyone would expect from a girl with a crippling social anxiety but I did it anyway. It’s worth the courage to support a cause I strongly have faith in. I chose to share this because I want the stigma of mental illness to end. I know there are so many young people like me out there who are caught in the stigma and are afraid to speak out and get help. I know it’s not easy but it’s worth everything in the long run.
If you don’t have the strength and courage to do it, strive to find that in yourself and don’t give up. Educate yourself.
Don’t deny yourself of the help you can get.
It’s a step by step process; one that you can devote your whole self into.
Going to therapy was one of the wiser decisions I’ve made so far in my life. Now I’m seeking a great perhaps and I won’t ever get to do that alone. I admit I need help and I am now more willing to accept it. I believe in the help that therapy does and I’ve felt a caress of the help it can provide. I am not yet “healed” but I know I will be.